Safety Planning

If you’re still living with your abuser, think about how to protect yourself and your children. Here are some things to consider:

Telling Someone

• If it’s possible and safe, think about letting a colleague, friend or family member you trust know what’s happening; they can check in with you to make sure you’re safe. Think about how they will do this, using a safe phone number or messaging service.
• Are there neighbours you could trust, and where you could go in an emergency? You could tell them what is going on, and ask them to call the police if they hear sounds of an attack. Consider establishing a signal that means they should call the police.
• Is there a code word or phrase you can agree with a friend so that they know to call the police if they hear you say it or you text it to them?

Being prepared to leave if you choose to

Even if you are not planning to leave, it is still useful to think about how you would get out of the house in an emergency. It can help you feel more in control and give you more confidence. You might want to consider what you would do, or how you would prepare for leaving. Here are some things that may be useful:

• Try to memorise, or keep a list of emergency numbers of services or friends who can help you:
  • Police, relatives, friends, local Women’s Aid Group, Scotland’s Domestic Abuse Helpline
  • Don’t hesitate to call the police on 999 if you need help
  • Think of the nearest safe place you could make a call from (e.g. a neighbour’s house, a phone-box) in case your phone is broken or out of battery when you leave
• Teach your children how to contact friends/family and to call 999 in an emergency; tell them what they would need to say (e.g. their full name, address and telephone number)
• Keep a set of keys in a safe place or next to your bed, in case you need to leave in a hurry
• Think of somewhere safe to keep a small amount of money for a taxi fare or a phone call
• Think about escape routes:
  • Can you rehearse an escape plan, so in an emergency you and any children can get away safely? Explain, to children who are old enough, that you might have to leave in a hurry
  • Think about where you would go, and what you would do if it was at night
• Talk to family and friends about staying with them in an emergency
• Report any injuries to your GP so that you get the medical treatment you need and there is a record of the abuse
  • You may want to take notes of abusive incidents, including times, dates, names and details of injuries
• Contact your local Women’s Aid group
  • If you want to speak to Women’s Aid or find out more, try to use phones or computers in a public place, like your local library.
  • Make calls from a phone box or a friend’s house
• If you have access to important documents such as passports, try to keep them in a safe place so you could take them with you if you need to leave. If you’re thinking of leaving, keeping these important documents (or copies of them) with a trusted friend can be helpful.
• Pack an emergency bag for yourself and your children, and hide it somewhere safe (e.g. at a neighbour’s or friend’s house)

What to take with you

If you have time, try to take as many of the items listed below as appropriate. If you are planning ahead of the day you plan to leave, make sure you conceal these items somewhere safe where your abuser will not find them. Your safety and your children’s safety must come first so only take things if you have time to do so:

• Take all of your children with you if you can
• Take any legal and financial papers for you and your children, such as:
  • Marriage and Birth certificates
  • Passports
  • National insurance cards
  • Immigration documents/National ID cards
  • Driving licence
  • Benefit books
  • Address book
  • Cheque book
  • Credit cards
  • Rent book or mortgage papers
  • Any documentation relating to the abuse such as police reports or court orders

[The actual documents will be most useful, but if that is impossible try to make copies, or take photographs and send them as attachments to a safe email address that you can access from anywhere]

• Keys to your house, car, and place of work
• Clothing and toiletries for you and your children for at least several days (remember school uniforms if your children might need them)
• Any medicine you or your children might need
• Any personal possessions which have sentimental value – like photographs, jewellery, or favourite toys for the children

Remember – if you do leave and later discover you have forgotten something, you can always arrange for the protection of a police escort to return home to collect it.

If you have left your home, but are staying in the same area or at the same job or your children are staying at the same school, you might be able to increase your safety in the following ways:

• Try to alter your routines and avoid places that you used when you were together
• If you have any regular appointments that your partner knows about (for example: going to work, an exercise class, regular doctor’s appointment) try to choose a safe route to arrive and leave – perhaps change the route you take, the type of transport, or even try to get lifts with someone else
• You might want to consider carrying a personal alarm when you are out of the house
• Tell your children’s school, nursery, or childminder what has happened, and let them know who will pick them up. Make sure they do not allow anyone else to collect them or give your new address or telephone number to anyone. (You may want to establish a password, or give copies of any court orders, if you have them.)
• If you feel able, tell your employer or colleagues at your place of work. They will be better prepared to help you in an emergency and may be able to put some additional security measures in place
• If you have a court order, make sure that your local police station has a copy, and that the police know that they need to respond quickly in an emergency

If you have moved away from your area, and don’t want your abuser to know where you are, take particular care with anything that may indicate your whereabouts:

• If your abuser has had access to your mobile phone, they could have installed a tracking device. If you are in any doubt, change your phone and number to ensure you cannot be tracked
• Digital photographs often contain location data so take care (for example) if sending the abuser photographs of the children.
• Exercise caution when posting on social media so you don’t give away your location
• If you need to phone your abuser (or anyone connected with them), make sure your telephone number is untraceable by dialling 141 before ringing
• Change passwords for your email, online banking, social media and any website your abuser may know about
• Talk to your children, friends and family about keeping your address and location confidential
• Try to avoid using (or cancel) shared credit or debit cards or joint bank accounts. You should also change the PIN for your debit card if you think your abuser may know it
• Talk to the police or your solicitor if you are going through any court action to make sure that your address does not appear on any court papers. If your abuser does not obey any court orders, you should also tell your solicitor
• If your partner or ex-partner continues to harass, threaten or abuse you, make sure you keep detailed records of each incident, including the date and time it occurred, what was said or done, and, if possible, photographs of damage to your property or injuries to yourself or others
• If your partner or ex-partner injures you, see your GP or go to hospital for treatment and ask them to document your visit
• If you need to contact your ex-partner you might consider writing them a letter and sending it to a Women’s Aid group or a friend in a different area of the country. Ask them to forward the mail on to your ex-partner, so that the postmark will not reveal your location

To increase your safety in your home, you could consider the following:

• Change locks on all doors and put locks on windows
• Ask the police for advice about making your home more secure
• Think about escape routes
• Install an outside light (back and front) which comes on automatically when someone approaches
• Inform neighbours that your partner no longer lives with you – ask them to tell you, or call the police if they see him in the surrounding area
• Change your telephone number and make it ex-directory
• Use an answering machine to screen calls
• Tell school who can pick up your children and who cannot
• If your ex-partner continues to harass, threaten or abuse you, make sure you keep detailed records of each incident, including the date and time it occurred, what was said or done, and, if possible, photographs of damage to your property or injuries to yourself or others
• If your partner or ex-partner injures you, see your GP or go to hospital for treatment and ask them to document your visit
• See a solicitor. They can make you aware of your rights and help you get a court order to protect you from your partner
• If you already have a court order in place, you should ask the police to enforce this. If your abuser does not obey any court orders, you should also tell your solicitor