by womensaidscot17 | Jun 16, 2025 | Uncategorised
This guest post by West Lothian Women’s Aid (WLWA) explains what happens when a woman gets in touch looking for support. If you are experiencing domestic abuse, you can find your local Women’s Aid, here: https://womensaid.scot/find-nearest-wa-group/
Living day by day with the threat and presence of domestic abuse, can make even the smallest of tasks seem impossible. We understand the challenges that come with seeking support of any kind whilst in an abusive situation. Simply picking up the phone can feel daunting, even paralysing. Browsing the internet for potential support can bring with it confusion, overwhelm and its own safety risks.
Once you have found a support that you think could help, this can raise lots of feelings such as fear, apprehension, numbness or even doubting yourself. You may feel worried about sharing your experiences, think you will be judged, or simply struggle to find the right words to express your trauma. It can be an incredibly difficult first step for so many but could be one which has the ability to place you on a path towards a future free from abuse and fear.
Women’s Aid groups all over Scotland exist to offer guidance, understanding, and a safe, nurturing space where you can begin to rebuild and focus on your future.
West Lothian Women’s Aid can be contacted by phone, email, on social media, on our website or in-person. We can ensure when you take that first step to reach out, you will be met with kindness and reassurance. Our staff are here to listen without pressure or judgement. You don’t need to have a clear plan or even know what you want at this point. It is our job to provide guidance and options as to what you could do next which is in the best interests of you – we are here to listen and support you make decisions based around your safety, immediate and longer-term needs and current situation.
When contacting WLWA, your safety is our priority. We are here to provide free and confidential support, an empathetic ear, and real-world, practical advice. Our staff are trained to assess your immediate risk and take subsequent actions to ensure you are guided towards a robust safety plan, always working collaboratively with yourself. Our staff won’t dismiss your feelings or judge you for whatever you choose to do, to stay safe; you’ll be listened to with empathy, from women who understand the impact of domestic abuse and have the knowledge to guide you on possible next steps. Our trauma-informed approach ensures we will not pressure you into taking any specific action; every woman’s situation is different, and our support is tailored to your needs.
We understand that while a listening ear is vital in allowing women to be open about their experiences, we also ensure we offer practical assistance to assist each woman to move forward. This might include court advocacy, information on housing options, consider a place within our safe accommodation, signposting to benefits advice or financial assistance, or access to our wide array of support services such as group work, counselling or our children and young people’s service.
If you are at the point of considering leaving an abusive situation, we can ensure we work with you to plan this as safely as possible. Whatever your needs, we are here to offer care, empathy, strength and resilience along with all the resources you may need to help you regain control of your life. Reaching out for support is difficult, but incredibly brave and no matter how uncertain or afraid you may be to take that vital first step, we will meet you with kindness and compassion always.
We are here for you.
We believe you.
by womensaidscot17 | Jun 10, 2025 | Uncategorised
This guest blog from Border Women’s Aid (BWA) gives an insight into how its outreach service supports women and children experiencing domestic abuse.
In addition to providing refuge, our Outreach Service was established in 2020 to extend our capacity to respond to each woman according to her needs. This service ensures that we can be with women at all stages of their journey, not just for the relatively short time they may spend in refuge, from doing preventative work before a situation becomes a crisis to enabling women to reflect back on their experience and its long-term impact on their lives.
We offer one-to-one support in a way that suits the individual. This can be in-person at our office, at home if that’s safe or arrangements can be made to meet in the community. We also offer support over the telephone, email and videocalls.
We use various tools to increase an understanding of domestic abuse and trauma, including our Own My Life group programme, books, and visual aids. We help women access benefits, healthcare, housing and other services, and provide much-needed emotional and psychological support.
Above all, we listen – so that women know that their experience is validated. We strive to enable women to take control of their situations, and live the lives they want for themselves and their children.
In 2020-21 we had 27 referrals for outreach support. The number of referrals has grown year on year. In 2024-25, we had 243 outreach referrals, and we are expecting to exceed this number in 2025-26. Around 50% of outreach referrals come from women themselves.
Women have told us that their BWA support worker was the first person who really listened and in whom they could confide. Typical quotes: ‘You provide a safe space to discuss difficult thing’; ‘I’m feeling empowered and less alone’. One woman strikingly declared she now realised that her whole life had been a cycle of abuse.
We created the video we are sharing with you today using words from a Thank You letter from a woman who was supported via our Outreach Service. It is a poignant illustration of what the service does and how valuable the service is to women.
by womensaidscot17 | May 28, 2025 | Uncategorised
Why didn’t you see the signs?
They ask you that often.
Is it because he gave you rose tinted glasses to wear? They blurred the lines and dimmed the focus, so everything looked warm and fuzzy.
“You’ll love them,” he said.
Or is it because he gave you ear defenders? He told you they’d protect your ears, and they did because they turned the blatant lies into misunderstandings, and they made you hear only his point of view.
“Great piece of kit,” he said.
Maybe because he doused himself with your favourite scent so you couldn’t smell the bulls**t.
He had to try harder with this because you usually can smell bullsh**t from a mile off.
Or I wonder, is it because he plied you with sweeteners because the things he did left a bad taste in your mouth?
Not sugar though, cos you’d get fat.
But it was the touch that alerted you when it changed from tender to tight, caress to control. More like a grip than a hug.
And then you knew!
It gave you the strength to smash the rose tinted glasses, rip off the ear defenders, recognise the bullsh**t, spit out the sweeteners and free yourself from the grip.
So, when they ask you again why you didn’t know the signs, ask them if they would.
by womensaidscot17 | Feb 14, 2025 | Uncategorised
If you walk through any city centre at this time of year, you’ll notice that everything is red and heart shaped. Advertisers know how to appeal to our senses, and the shops are bursting with delicious chocolates, fine perfumes, soft cuddly teddy bears holding hearts, romantic music and, of course, colourful deep red greeting cards filled with words of love. There’s no escape online either. The pressure is on to show our love by gifts.
The act of gift giving can be traced back to ancient cave dwellers and it was thought that gifts were given to strengthen social connections. Most of us give gifts to make the one receiving the gift feel good. After all it’s the thought that counts, we tell ourselves. But what if the thought behind a gift is sinister? What happens when gift giving becomes love bombing? The Oxford Dictionary describes the term love bombing as ‘The action or practice of lavishing someone with attention or affection, especially in order to influence or manipulate them’.
Of course, there’s no harm in giving affection and attention. Most of us humans love it! Love bombing is different though. The person doing the love bombing has a motive – to gain control over their ‘target’. It often happens quickly, and we can be quite surprised by it, maybe even flattered. Women I’ve spoken with who have been at the receiving end of love bombing have described it as a slightly uncomfortable feeling, that the gift or the gesture is a ‘bit too much, too soon’. Like the woman I heard of who was flown to Paris on a second date because a man wanted her to commit to a relationship with him. A woman I interviewed who arrived at work to find twelve bouquets of flowers from her abusive ex-partner told me that this gesture made her feel ‘an overwhelming pressure to communicate with him’.
The motive behind love bombing is to gain control, to have the upper hand, to make the person feel like they owe something in return. Women I’ve spoken with told me about things a love bomber expects in return – things including loyalty, sex, commitment, and the same amount of affection and attention showered on them even if it was at the early stages of the relationship. They said being love bombed made them feel like the relationship wasn’t equal, that they were less than their partner. Of the women I’ve spoken with who have ended a relationship with an abusive man, they all told me how they felt particularly vulnerable to love bombing on Valentine’s Day. Perpetrators of Domestic Abuse, who are master manipulators, will often attempt to rekindle a relationship on Valentine’s Day. So, what do we do to shield ourselves from love bombing? The women I talked with were kind enough to share tactics they had used.
- Don’t engage with the person, you don’t need to respond if this person is someone you don’t want to communicate with.
- Don’t agree to commit to something you don’t want to – remember you don’t owe them anything just because they’ve bought you a gift.
- Remember your worth. You have the right to refuse any unwanted attention, even on February 14th.
- Remember the intention behind the gift. If it’s love bombing, it isn’t love; it’s an attempt at control.
This Valentine’s Day, remember to love yourself.
by womensaidscot17 | Jan 27, 2025 | Uncategorised
So I shouted
We moved through the streets, side by side.
We held our signs high, yesterday’s cereal boxes and amazon parcels, now newly painted with messages we needed the world to hear. Some were messages of hope and solidarity for the future and some, well, some were the grim statistics of the present, the horrifying facts and figures about us and what we endure. No sugar coating. I wondered how many of us were buried in those numbers.
So I held my sign higher.
We chanted to the rhythm of a woman, whose voice was much younger than mine and my eyes welled with tears as I wished I’d shouted sooner to make a difference, to be counted, to be heard as part of this one voice, against a patriarchy who can turn on us at any time, just because they can.
So I sang louder.
We marched on together, one foot in front of the other. In a world where there has never been a more treacherous time to be a woman, I felt safe in this moment, walking these same streets I never would if it was dark and I was alone.
So I walked taller.
We carried each other along in an invisible space that was almost tangible, secure that we had each other’s backs, while all the time showing the world we are a powerful force. That thing that women do when we have had enough.
So I shouted more.
I looked to my side to see my daughter, tears rolling down her young face, overwhelmed with emotion, but still trying to sing. So much to shout about already, yet her voice is still quiet.
So I shouted as loud as I could for her.
We were all putting one foot in front of the other marching towards whatever the future is.
So I shouted for all of us.
