How many times have you read about a ‘spurned’ or ‘jilted’ lover in a newspaper headline about domestic abuse?
The answer is probably many times – maybe even too many to count.
It may be a commonly used phrase but that doesn’t change the fact that it is one which has absolutely no place in responsible reporting of violence against women.
It’s a loaded term, which minimises the behaviour of the perpetrator and attributes blame on the victim.
The many myths and misconceptions that we see in the portrayal of domestic abuse in across our media can negatively impact the public’s understanding of it.
Today marks the beginning of Stalking Awareness Week.
Stalking is an offence that is also misunderstood, not helped by the often cartoonish way it is portrayed in our media and popular culture.
These portrayals lend themselves to images of a stranger hidden in the shadows or a man with binoculars crouching behind a bush.
In reality, most stalking happens within the context of domestic abuse, from an abusive partner or ex-partner.
Domestic abuse is a gendered crime that is rooted in women’s inequality, and so, while anybody can be a victim of stalking, like domestic abuse, it is also an issue that predominantly affects women.
It is a pattern of behaviour that can destroy the victim’s quality of life and sense of wellbeing and safety.
The tactics used by stalkers are many and varied.
Stalking can include digital or in-person surveillance, persistent text-based contact, sending unwanted gifts or post to the victim’s address, following them when they are out or lurking near their home.
To outsiders looking in, the insidious nature of these behaviours can often be overlooked.
Too often, they are seen as harmless – or worse – romantic.
We should be in no doubt: there is nothing romantic about stalking.
Stalking in a pattern of persistent behaviour designed to cause fear and alarm.
Being sent flowers by somebody who loves you and treats you with kindness and respect feels great.
Being sent flowers by somebody you are fearful of feels intrusive and threatening.
Stalking is a criminal offense and there is never an excuse for it.
If you are worried that your abusive partner or ex-partner is stalking you, it can be difficult to know where to turn. We believe you. And we are here to support you, whenever you need us.
Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline is available 24/7 on 0800 027 1234 or via email and web chat at www.sdafmh.org.uk. You can also reach out to your local Women’s Aid service – our expert services across Scotland have decades of experience in supporting women and children who have experienced stalking from abusive partners or ex-partners, and they can help you with practical, safety planning and emotional support. If you do want to report your experiences to the police, we can also offer support around that.
