This blog was written by a member of our Survivor Reference Group. We thank her for her reflections.
Content warning: this blog discusses domestic abuse, violence against women and the murder of women.
Last week I stood on the spot where a woman lost her life. A group of us heard how, on 17th October 1720 Margaret Hall’s young life was cut short. She was brutally murdered by her husband. It wasn’t the first attempt on her life perpetrated by him. At the time the people of Edinburgh, shocked and saddened by her murder, built a cairn on the spot where she died to remember her. We were told that, of course, this was probably the exact spot, but the years had blurred any certainty. However, the years hadn’t diminished that gut wrenching feeling when we hear of such a tragedy and the horror of the details.
Moving forward to today, we are still hearing similar stories of women who fall victim to violent men. We often imagine the mistreatment of women to be something in the past when we were more brutal, less civilised maybe, so why then are we still hearing the devastating stories of women losing their lives to domestic violence? The deaths of women make the headlines and the others who suffer in silence daily being deadened by abusive behaviour often aren’t heard. Sometimes we aren’t aware that the behaviours we manage everyday in our homes are abuse. Sometimes they are offset by charm and promises. Other times there is just simply nowhere else to go.
Domestic abuse is not limited to the headlines of horrific behaviours. It can be the everyday loss of freedoms such as handling our own money, deciding where we want to go and who we want to spend our time with, whether we have sex or not, and whether we are allowed to answer back.
Standing there in the sunlight of a beautiful autumn morning, shoulder to shoulder with people who cared, circled by the press, whose job it is to report such tragic events, I was aware that in 300 years we hadn’t come that far. As a society, we express horror when a woman loses her life in this way but what are we really doing to prevent this from happening?
I once saw a message left by a graffiti artist that read “ A country is only as great as the way it treats its women”. How great are we?, I wondered as I stood there with the beautiful backdrop of Edinburgh behind me, proud to be amongst others who care. What can we do to protect women and girls from day to day? How can we do more? Why are we still treated by some men as second class citizens, some lesser beings without a voice?
Standing in that spot I was also grateful that I survived
If you are looking for support around domestic abuse, please contact Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline on 0800 027 1234, email and web chat at www.sdafmh.org.uk or WhatsApp/Text on 07401288595.
