The Quiet Problem

When all the blame falls on you, it can be hard to see any way forward. And when options are limited, so are choices. For some people, this is where suicidal ideation creeps in. The sense that no one understands, no one cares and no one can really help. Thus, what is the point? And what better way to stop the hurt than to finally end it? Suddenly, suicide seems like a valid option.

It isn’t just about violence or abuse or control. It isn’t just the gaslighting or smearing. It is a festering wound compounded by everyone who questions your reality. Everyone who has even the smallest shred of doubt and suggests maybe you are just wrong or incompetent or lying. In the face of domestic abuse it is easy for others to take the middle ground. “What if?” “Why?” “That can’t be right?” “But he said….”

One of the biggest issues facing victims is not just garnering strength to voice and report (and relive) the many horrors they have faced, but also the low likelihood of being believed and the niggling voice of blame, especially from those in authority. “There is no crime.” “You should have…” “You can’t…..” “Just ignore him.”

Let’s put this narrative to bed.

According to Agenda Alliance, around 27% of women will experience intimate partner violence during their lifetime. And in the UK one woman will be killed by a man every three days (*1). Most often, this is a current or previous partner whose control has come under threat. When we look at stalking events, where there is a credible threat of harm combined with previous relationship history, one in two cases (50%) will end in murder (*2). We know the dangers. We know the risks. Femicide is a global epidemic and it continues to escalate. We are ‘Counting Dead Women’ (kareningalasmith.com) while we busy ourselves campaigning for legal and policy change.

But we are missing the big picture. There is a silent, insidious link between female suicides and domestic abuse. In 2004, Professor Sylvia Walby first suggested that 1 in 8 suicides were directly linked to domestic abuse (*3), and this number is significantly higher for victims of sexual assault. Indeed, a 2018 study in partnership with Refuge (*4) found that 24% of domestic abuse victims reported feeling suicidal, with 18% making further plans to act on this. This may be directly attributable to ongoing abuse from a specific perpetrator or it may arise from contributing factors such as reduced access to finance, housing, family support, employment or the constant stress of court and legal battles. All just to try and stay safe.

Indeed, research has shown emotional abuse and coercive control are highly correlated in suicidal ideation and these are often the least obvious signs of domestic abuse (*5). In 2021, Women’s Aid published a literature review drawing on earlier academic studies which highlighted the importance of viewing suicide and self-harm as “a rational response to violence and brutality, rather than a mental illness” (*6) and citing that the poor mental health of “those living in DVA situations should be regarded as symptoms of the abuse.” (*7)

Thankfully, many academics and professionals have campaigned to highlight the fatal risks of domestic abuse, including Professor Jane Monckton-Smith, who created the Homicide Timeline and Suicide Timeline models, and Laura Richards who established the Domestic Abuse Stalking Harassment and Honour Based Violence (DASH) risk assessment tool.

But where does someone turn when it all becomes too much? Jess Southgate, deputy Chief Executive of Agenda Alliance, notes “when a women presents to services in suicidal distress it is likely that she’s a victim of domestic abuse.” (The Guardian, 22/2/23)

The tragic case of Justine Reece, who died by suicide in 2017, set a legal precedent linking domestic abuse and suicide, with Michael Chambers QC stating to the perpetrator “She [died by suicide] as a direct result of your sustained and determined criminal actions, actions which you clearly knew were having a profound effect upon her.” (The Guardian, 28/7/17)

We need service providers to acknowledge the link between domestic abuse trauma and suicide, and to plan accordingly. To effectively support victims or signpost them to specialist care. The latest data from the Scottish Public Health Observatory for 2021 shows 188 women died by suicide (2020, n230). If we can agree that a fair precentage of these fatalities are related to domestic abuse, then we really need to include better support mechanisms in service planning.

Undoubtedly, one of the best aids we can offer is peer support. Talking really does help. And using the right language, devoid of victim blaming, is imperative. Offering compassion and companionship can make a huge different to someone with complex trauma.

Programmes such as ASIST and SafeTalk can help navigate how to have those difficult conversations and expose underlying issues. Ask direct questions. Listen. Be supportive.

Scottish Women’s Aid offers online awareness raising training on the links between domestic abuse and suicide, encouraging partner agencies to consider this aspect in service delivery. We are also currently working with the Scottish Government and partners to develop a model of domestic abuse killing reviews that is robust and fit for purpose. We want to see this include women (and children) who have died by suicide so that services and systems can learn how to prevent future deaths and perpetrators can be made visible and accountable. In 2022 Scottish Women’s Aid, in partnership with our Survivor Reference Group, started an annual vigil during the 16 Days of Activism campaign to honour those lost to domestic homicide and suicide. It’s a small token, but we won’t forget all the women who came before us and we will keep raising awareness and fighting for justice.

As Professor Monckton-Smith points out, failures in the system are failing our women – “Opportunities for intervention, risk assessment and prevention have been fatally missed.” (The Guardian, 27/2/22). This highlights that we ALL have a duty to diminish the statistics around domestic abuse suicide and to improve outcomes for those impacted by domestic abuse trauma. This starts with raising awareness and understanding. Please spread the word.

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References

1. Femicide Census, www.femicidecensus.org 
2. Laura Richards on Grizzly True Crime,; https://www.youtube.com/live/p5C61QLRB5o?feature=share @38.43
3. Walby. (2004). The Cost of Domestic Violence. Available online at: https://eprints.lancs.ac.uk/id/eprint/55255/1/cost_of_dv_report_sept04.pdf
4. Aitken, R & Munro, V. (2018). Domestic abuse and suicide : exploring the links with refuge’s client base and work force. London ; University of Warwick, School of Law: Refuge.
5. Wolford-Clevenger C, Grigorian H, Brem MJ, Florimbio AR, Elmquist J, & Stuart GL. (2017). Associations of Emotional Abuse Types with Suicide Ideation among Dating Couples. J Aggress Maltreat Trauma.26(9):1042-1054. doi: 10.1080/10926771.2017.1335821. Epub 2017 Jun 23. PMID: 29081647; PMCID: PMC5658049.
6. Chantler (2003) in Thiara, RK & Harrison, C. (2021). Reframing the Links: Black and minoritised women, domestic violence and abuse, and mental health – A Review of the Literature. Bristol: Women’s Aid.
7. Humphreys, C & Thiara, R. (2003). Mental Health and Domestic Violence: I Call It Symptoms of Abuse. British Journal of Social Work, 33, 209-226. http://dx.doi.org/10.1093/bjsw/33.2.209

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If you, or someone you know, is affected by any of the issues raised in this blog post, the following organisations can offer assistance.