by womensaidscot17 | Jun 10, 2025 | Uncategorised
This guest blog from Border Women’s Aid (BWA) gives an insight into how its outreach service supports women and children experiencing domestic abuse.
In addition to providing refuge, our Outreach Service was established in 2020 to extend our capacity to respond to each woman according to her needs. This service ensures that we can be with women at all stages of their journey, not just for the relatively short time they may spend in refuge, from doing preventative work before a situation becomes a crisis to enabling women to reflect back on their experience and its long-term impact on their lives.
We offer one-to-one support in a way that suits the individual. This can be in-person at our office, at home if that’s safe or arrangements can be made to meet in the community. We also offer support over the telephone, email and videocalls.
We use various tools to increase an understanding of domestic abuse and trauma, including our Own My Life group programme, books, and visual aids. We help women access benefits, healthcare, housing and other services, and provide much-needed emotional and psychological support.
Above all, we listen – so that women know that their experience is validated. We strive to enable women to take control of their situations, and live the lives they want for themselves and their children.
In 2020-21 we had 27 referrals for outreach support. The number of referrals has grown year on year. In 2024-25, we had 243 outreach referrals, and we are expecting to exceed this number in 2025-26. Around 50% of outreach referrals come from women themselves.
Women have told us that their BWA support worker was the first person who really listened and in whom they could confide. Typical quotes: ‘You provide a safe space to discuss difficult thing’; ‘I’m feeling empowered and less alone’. One woman strikingly declared she now realised that her whole life had been a cycle of abuse.
We created the video we are sharing with you today using words from a Thank You letter from a woman who was supported via our Outreach Service. It is a poignant illustration of what the service does and how valuable the service is to women.
by womensaidscot17 | May 28, 2025 | Uncategorised
Why didn’t you see the signs?
They ask you that often.
Is it because he gave you rose tinted glasses to wear? They blurred the lines and dimmed the focus, so everything looked warm and fuzzy.
“You’ll love them,” he said.
Or is it because he gave you ear defenders? He told you they’d protect your ears, and they did because they turned the blatant lies into misunderstandings, and they made you hear only his point of view.
“Great piece of kit,” he said.
Maybe because he doused himself with your favourite scent so you couldn’t smell the bulls**t.
He had to try harder with this because you usually can smell bullsh**t from a mile off.
Or I wonder, is it because he plied you with sweeteners because the things he did left a bad taste in your mouth?
Not sugar though, cos you’d get fat.
But it was the touch that alerted you when it changed from tender to tight, caress to control. More like a grip than a hug.
And then you knew!
It gave you the strength to smash the rose tinted glasses, rip off the ear defenders, recognise the bullsh**t, spit out the sweeteners and free yourself from the grip.
So, when they ask you again why you didn’t know the signs, ask them if they would.
by womensaidscot17 | Feb 14, 2025 | Uncategorised
If you walk through any city centre at this time of year, you’ll notice that everything is red and heart shaped. Advertisers know how to appeal to our senses, and the shops are bursting with delicious chocolates, fine perfumes, soft cuddly teddy bears holding hearts, romantic music and, of course, colourful deep red greeting cards filled with words of love. There’s no escape online either. The pressure is on to show our love by gifts.
The act of gift giving can be traced back to ancient cave dwellers and it was thought that gifts were given to strengthen social connections. Most of us give gifts to make the one receiving the gift feel good. After all it’s the thought that counts, we tell ourselves. But what if the thought behind a gift is sinister? What happens when gift giving becomes love bombing? The Oxford Dictionary describes the term love bombing as ‘The action or practice of lavishing someone with attention or affection, especially in order to influence or manipulate them’.
Of course, there’s no harm in giving affection and attention. Most of us humans love it! Love bombing is different though. The person doing the love bombing has a motive – to gain control over their ‘target’. It often happens quickly, and we can be quite surprised by it, maybe even flattered. Women I’ve spoken with who have been at the receiving end of love bombing have described it as a slightly uncomfortable feeling, that the gift or the gesture is a ‘bit too much, too soon’. Like the woman I heard of who was flown to Paris on a second date because a man wanted her to commit to a relationship with him. A woman I interviewed who arrived at work to find twelve bouquets of flowers from her abusive ex-partner told me that this gesture made her feel ‘an overwhelming pressure to communicate with him’.
The motive behind love bombing is to gain control, to have the upper hand, to make the person feel like they owe something in return. Women I’ve spoken with told me about things a love bomber expects in return – things including loyalty, sex, commitment, and the same amount of affection and attention showered on them even if it was at the early stages of the relationship. They said being love bombed made them feel like the relationship wasn’t equal, that they were less than their partner. Of the women I’ve spoken with who have ended a relationship with an abusive man, they all told me how they felt particularly vulnerable to love bombing on Valentine’s Day. Perpetrators of Domestic Abuse, who are master manipulators, will often attempt to rekindle a relationship on Valentine’s Day. So, what do we do to shield ourselves from love bombing? The women I talked with were kind enough to share tactics they had used.
- Don’t engage with the person, you don’t need to respond if this person is someone you don’t want to communicate with.
- Don’t agree to commit to something you don’t want to – remember you don’t owe them anything just because they’ve bought you a gift.
- Remember your worth. You have the right to refuse any unwanted attention, even on February 14th.
- Remember the intention behind the gift. If it’s love bombing, it isn’t love; it’s an attempt at control.
This Valentine’s Day, remember to love yourself.
by womensaidscot17 | Jan 27, 2025 | Uncategorised
So I shouted
We moved through the streets, side by side.
We held our signs high, yesterday’s cereal boxes and amazon parcels, now newly painted with messages we needed the world to hear. Some were messages of hope and solidarity for the future and some, well, some were the grim statistics of the present, the horrifying facts and figures about us and what we endure. No sugar coating. I wondered how many of us were buried in those numbers.
So I held my sign higher.
We chanted to the rhythm of a woman, whose voice was much younger than mine and my eyes welled with tears as I wished I’d shouted sooner to make a difference, to be counted, to be heard as part of this one voice, against a patriarchy who can turn on us at any time, just because they can.
So I sang louder.
We marched on together, one foot in front of the other. In a world where there has never been a more treacherous time to be a woman, I felt safe in this moment, walking these same streets I never would if it was dark and I was alone.
So I walked taller.
We carried each other along in an invisible space that was almost tangible, secure that we had each other’s backs, while all the time showing the world we are a powerful force. That thing that women do when we have had enough.
So I shouted more.
I looked to my side to see my daughter, tears rolling down her young face, overwhelmed with emotion, but still trying to sing. So much to shout about already, yet her voice is still quiet.
So I shouted as loud as I could for her.
We were all putting one foot in front of the other marching towards whatever the future is.
So I shouted for all of us.
by womensaidscot17 | Dec 11, 2024 | Uncategorised
Dear Daughter,
Did you realise that 25th November was International Day for the Elimination of Violence
against Women and that the 16 Days since then have marked 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence?
Did you celebrate?
If you did celebrate, did you go out with friends to a bar, where you needed to gurard your
drink in case it was spiked?
Did you need to shield yourself and your pals from the sexist ‘banter’ being hurled your way?
Did you need to fend off at least one unwanted advance invading your space and making
you feel uncomfortable?
Did you need to make sure you carried your keys, your defense of choice, gripped in your
hand while you walked from the bus stop to your home?
Did you remember to call your friends when you got home to mark yourself safe?
I hope in the future you don’t need to write this letter to your daughter.
Love,
Mum xxx
If you are looking for support around domestic abuse, please contact Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline on 0800 027 1234, email and web chat at www.sdafmh.org.uk or WhatsApp/Text on 07401288595.
by womensaidscot17 | Nov 19, 2024 | Uncategorised
Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline awarded Helpline of the Year!
Our Helpline operates 24/7, 365 days a year offering emotional support, practical information, safety planning and links to local services. When people experiencing domestic abuse or forced marriage feel they have nowhere to turn, we are there to believe them, listen to them and support them.
2023-24 was a big year for us. Not only did we handle 14,249 contacts – which was an increase of 14% on the previous year – we also launched a brand new text service, improving accessibility for those needing discreet communication due to coercive control. Now, those looking to contact us can text us, phone us, email us or speak to us on webchat – all at the times that are safest and most convenient for them.
Providing this kind of support day in, day out is a privilege, but it is not without its pressures. We know that and we work hard to look after both the mental and physical wellbeing of our staff.
So, it was with great excitement that we travelled to the Helpline Partnership annual conference and awards recently, having been nominated for a number of awards.
It was great to be among colleagues at the conference who serve on all manner of Helplines. We were inspired hearing about their experiences of delivering innovative services and supporting people in times of great need.
When it came to the awards ceremony, it was wonderful to see teams recognised for their delivery of impactful services that really do make a difference for people across the UK. Congratulations to everyone who was nominated, and to those who won various awards across the different categories.
We were overjoyed to have the hard work and dedication of Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage team recognised by the judges, who awarded us the Helpline of the Year Award and the Staff Wellbeing Support Award.
Paula Ojok, Chief Executive Officer at Helplines Partnership, said:
“We are delighted to award Scottish Women’s Aid the Helpline of the Year Award and the Staff Wellbeing Support Award. This remarkable service is a lifeline for those it serves, providing a tailored, vital resource that has life-saving impact. This recognition reflects the dedication of the team, whose resilience and support for one another ensures they offer hope and safety to women and children when they need it most. It is truly inspiring work.”
And the panel of judges commented:
Helpline of the Year Award
“Amazing resource, tailored to absolutely meet the needs of the community it seeks to serve. This is a vital resource in a community often shrouded in secrecy and stigma. The numbers speak for themselves, and the testimonials echo the impact – this helpline helps save lives.”
Staff Wellbeing Support Award
“This organisation demonstrates outstanding commitment to its staff, knowing that this will reflect in their ability to work to the very highest standards possible. Truly best practice, and quite astonishing. Exemplary on every level.”
So, if you are experiencing domestic abuse or forced marriage, or you’re worried about someone you know – please know that our Helpline is a service you can trust. We’re here for you 24/7 with no judgement, no expectations and no pressure.
You can contact us by:
Phone: 0800 027 1234
Email: helpline@sdafmh.org.uk
Webchat: www.sdafmh.org.uk
Text/Whatsapp: 07401 288 595
